


SmashAU Subspace emissary 2: Total train wreck

by An_Awning_Mouse



Series: SmashAU [6]
Category: Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games), No straight Roads, Plants vs. Zombies - Fandom, Skylanders - Fandom, SpongeBob SquarePants - Fandom, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: AU, Arguments, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, EVIL friendship just to be clear here, Embedded Video, Excessive use of the word Fool, Fight Scenes, Friendship, Humor, Making Up, No beta reader, SmashAU, The Subspace Emissary - Freeform, Train Hijacking, Use clean energy kids, Violence, We die like Macbeth, cartoon violence, combos, references, self indulgent, some slight heartwarming added on a whim, you cannot tell me that these two wouldn't be best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_Awning_Mouse/pseuds/An_Awning_Mouse
Summary: Kaos and Doctor Zomboss, having both been rejected from the Subspace army, are now teaming up to enact a devious plan to exact revenge on Neo Tabuu, defeat the Super Smash Brothers (especially Crazy Dave and the Skylanders) and rule this new world. By combining their forces into an invincible "Ultimate Zombie-Doomlander army of ultimate evil doom," they'll be unstoppable! But first, they'll need plenty more resources, and that Toppat clan train passing through Dry Dry Desert seems like a promising way to acquire just what they need and then some....
Series: SmashAU [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837948
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	SmashAU Subspace emissary 2: Total train wreck

**Author's Note:**

> Remember when Zomboss was sad at the end of my last story? Let's fix that by pairing him up with a fellow short, bald, temperamental evil genius who's franchise got screwed by corporate greed!
> 
> I think the word count of this one far exceeds that of my last SmashAU work, so I'm excited to see how this one is received.
> 
> Some clarification:
> 
> . Kaos comes from after the events of Skylanders imaginators. He has a few moves from Skylanders Academy, but his characterization is strictly game based.
> 
> . Dr. Zomboss is a hybrid of his game and comic book interpretations. Except for PVZ3, that game blowed.
> 
> . All Stickmen comes from the "Relentless bounty hunter" ending, though I left the Fleeing the Complex ending ambiguous.
> 
> Be sure to check out other SmashAU works, whether they be by me or Powerpad. (Shoutout to them.) alternatively, check out r/SmashAU on Reddit for more content there, as well as a bit more context for just what this is all about.
> 
> Anyway, without any further ado, let's get this show on the road!
> 
> Edit: changed the title for Reginald Copperbottom to something more interesting. Credit to K1rby69 for the change, go check them out.
> 
> edit 2: Found out how to hyperlink music and did so. Please give feedback on this new change. Does it add to the experience, or kill the immersion?

The sun was hanging low over the horizon as the Toppat clan transportation train chugged along through the Dry Dry Desert. When Neo Tabuu had fused all the worlds together, their leader Reginald Copperbottom had been quick to join the neon butterfly, considering working with him to be a safer prospect than working against him. Their deal had other benefits as well, and with the help of the Neo Subspace army, the posh powerhouses had conducted many successful raids and operations, stealing many powerful varieties of artifacts and technologies that they were now taking back to their main base by their railroad they had set up through the desert wastes.

"I dunno," Wilhelm said, gazing out the window as a sweat ran down his brow. He and his pal Barry had been tasked with caboose duty for the trip, and despite Barry's insistence that they had caught a lucky break, he couldn't help but feel a touch paranoid about the whole thing. "I just get the feeling that _somethings_ gonna go wrong on this trip."

 _Sinister Stickmen_ : **Toppat goons**

Barry grinned wryly, and flicked the brim of his top hat up. "Mate, there's nothing to be worrying about! Who's gonna have the bright idea to go looking for us out in the middle of nowhere? And hey," he continued, patting his pal on his stick back, "worst comes to worst we got some boys out there on caravan duty." Barry pointed out the window towards a handful of trucks and jeeps staffed by more Toppats and equipped with mounted weaponry. "All we have to do is make it back to base, and we'll be sitting pretty for a while. It's like we always say, no one keeps a Toppat from their crown."

Wilhelm sighed. "Guess you're right." However, something outside caught his eye, and he turned to get a better look. It appeared to be an old-fashioned stage coach straight out of a Western, yet in spite of its archaic design and lack of horses to pull the wheels, it was nearly keeping pace with the rest of the caravan. "Say, what's with the wagon, you think? Don't remember us having that."

Barry shrugged nonchalantly. "Boss probably just took the opportunity to snag some new hires. You know how he is."

\---------

However, Barry was entirely wrong. His boss had not hired the two occupants of the wagon, and neither of them were there to defend the train. They were there to raid it. Poking their heads up over the top of the stage wagon were the dark portal master **Kaos** and the mad Doctor of thanatology, **Doctor Zomboss** , both wearing classic cowboy hats. 

"Hahahaha!" Kaos whisper-laughed gleefully. "Those petty Toppat fools have no clue of our presence!" Turning to his fellow evil genius, he asked, "Now then, do you have the specifics of our priority targets?"

"Already sorted." Zombos smirked as he whipped out his Z-tech touch tablet and brought up a scan of the train. "My Z-tech turbo tracking device did well to bring us here, and I've got the exact location of the clan's money cart, armory, and where on the train they're storing a Subspace bomb. All three carts are stored near the engine, so all we must do is work our way to front and disconnect them from the engine. Then we'll be able to use those considerable resources for the benefit of our own armies, and we'll make Neo Tabuu rue the day he dared to reject the two greatest evil geniuses across all dimensions!"

Kaos stood up in the wagon, raising his hands skyward. "Indeed!" He shouted. "And then we shall both destroy those pathetic Sky-blunders and that annoying Dave fool! We'll rule over all worlds!.... Although we'll have to settle the matter of who gets dibs on where later. But without our arch enemies, there'll be plenty of time for that!"

The two could no longer contain their evil glee, and both broke into a full on fit of maniacal laughter that rose even above the chugging of the train.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Of course, this caught the attention of one of the Toppat gunners, and they looked up to see the two tyrants laughing loudly from their perch. "Ey! Whaddya think yer doing, you two?" However, his annoyance turned into panic as he squinted at them suspiciously. "Waitaminute..... I don't remember seeing you two at the last orientation meeting!"

Kaos and Zomboss snapped out of their groove and glared back at the Toppat. "You incompetent fool!" Kaos screamed at the gunner, shaking his fists in a tantrum. "We were in the middle of something! No one interrupts Kaos when he's indulging in evil laughter!"

"You clearly have no idea just who you've trifled with," Zomboss sneered, reaching for a button on the top of the wagon. "And for that, you and your miserable little organization shall pay with with everything on this train. Lives included!"

The Brainiac Mainiac slammed a fist down on the button, and the wagon doubled in speed as a single large, veiny, yellow eye opened in the middle of the front, staring and blinking ominously. 

_The stagecoach of destruction from the western wilds_ : **The Zombot War Wagon**

"Wha- you ain't Toppats!" The crook reached for a small radio and frantically yelled into it. "Conducter Macbeth, we're under attack by two short wierdos with big heads!" The gunner paused for a second to listen as he received a response, before yelling back again, now slightly annoyed. "...Yes, I'm serious! Send out orders for all Toppats on board to Gun em down!" Grabbing his rifle, he turned back to his pursuers and shouted in challenge. "I dunno who you two think you are, but you're a pair of right idiots if you think we're just letting you take our train!"

Kaos snorted at this, cracking his knuckles and rolling up his sleeves. "Well, _fool,_ since you're clearly so dead set on standing against us, allow me to demonstrate our power firsthand! **Say hello to my sharky little friends!** "

Casting his hands out, the dark portal master unleashed a burst of energy towards the ground, and three **Doomsharks** suddenly rose from the earth. Rushing towards the back truck of the caravan and latching on with their teeth, they furiously gnawed on the vehicle, causing it to swerve around unpredictably. The guard in the back lost his footing quickly, grabbing on to the bumper as a last ditch effort to save himself. "Ngh..... You'll pay for this! No one trifles with the Toppats and gets away Scot free!"

"No one before us, you mean," Zomboss cooly retorted. Reaching down for the control panel and giggling madly, he slammed his fist down upon the big red button taking the center, which was adorned with a grinning skull. The pupil of the War Wagon temporarily turned into a crosshairs locking on, and the eye opened to reveal a payload of four large missiles. Launching out with relentless force, the bombs roared through the air before blasting into the the Toppat protection caravan, blowing the entire lot of them to smithereens. "Oh, how I love that button!"

However, the dastardly duo were so wrapped up in their victory that they hadn't paid any mind to the windows of the train opening as the passengers open fire. Though the smaller shots didn't phase the War Wagon, one Toppat launched a charge shot from a Super Scope, sending the machine wildly bucking around and forcing the drivers to dismount. 

"Eh?!?"

"Gah!"

Luckily, Zomboss and Kaos landed on the top of the train, struggling against the winds to their feet. Zomboss quickly fumbled for his tablet and activated the War Wagons autopilot. "Well, that could have gone better," he grumbled. "I've set the War Wagon to match speed with the train and deploy zombies automatically. Now what do we do?"

Kaos glared towards the front of the train, though the glare quickly turned into a squint due to the force of the wind. "The plan remains the same. We'll just have to crush these Top-Blunders the old fashioned way!" As several Toppats clambered to the roof and readied their weapons, his hands crackled with dark energy. "Prepare for evil awesomeness!"

Zomboss looked slightly apprehensive at first, but he soon was overtaken by the same cocky attitude. Readying a ray gun, he responded, "So be it. Just be sure to take a mental image of this moment. It'll be what they use for casting models of us for the statues that will undoubtedly be erected in the future!"

\--------

Meanwhile, at the front of the train, a Toppat wearing a fancy blue hat with a badge attached to it was scowling. His grip tightened on his experimental hand cannon; he'd been hoping that he wouldn't have to use it this ride.

 _Tickets please!_ : **Mr.Macbeth**

Still, if all went well, he might still be able to deal with these two interlopers fast and have the remaining trip be at least somewhat peaceful. Reaching for the intercom, he spoke in a gruff voice. "Alright ladies and gentlemen, as I'm sure you're all aware of, we're under attack. However, that ain't no reason to be running around like headless chickens. We've had worse invasions. **Dennis,** this job is for you. Get topside and put an end to those chumps. The rest of y'all, stay put in case those two try to head down through the train. Got that?"

Another voice responded, this one significantly colder. The distinct revving of a motorbike could be heard on the other end of the line.

"Understood sir. One way or another, I will exterminate them."

\-------

Back on top of the train, Kaos and Zomboss had just thrashed the first wave of defenders, but more yet were clambering up to stand in their way. The War Wagon, now advancing closer and closer to the engine, had been spitting zombies through the windows of the train, and panicked shouts could be heard from those who had remained inside the cars. 

"Haha! Take that, fools!" Kaos swept his arms out, sending a larger-than-life staff spinning towards a large group of Toppats to knock them away. "The power of my mind magic is unmatched!" However, Kaos was suddenly forced to divert the mind magic staff to deflect a barrage of ray gun shots. "Oh, what is it now?! I was in the middle of another classic moment of evil awesomeness right there!"

The new arrivals were several peculiar dark purple beings, wearing Cowboy boots, hats, and badged vests. With several more jumping up from alongside the train on a herd of mechanical horses, they each drew ray guns, shadow bugs leaking from a hole in the back of their vests. 

_Yee-Haw!_ : **Cowboy Primids**

Zomboss was thoroughly unimpressed. "Hmph! My minions, as they say, 'rock' such apparel with significantly more style! In fact," the doctor huffed, " _Here they are now! Why not ask them for some pointers?_ "

Suddenly, several cowboy zombies hopped up from in between the cars, and began struggling against the Primids, fighting and biting any in reach. Zomboss then removed a small Zombot head from his lab coat, and after some charge time...

" _I've had enough of your cheap tricks! TAKE THIS!_ "

The head belched out a cyan beam of energy, blowing away several more of the cosplaying Subspace goons.

However, neither of the two were able to squeeze out a gloat, for several more figures burst up from the trains garbage car. "Oh come on! More of you?!" The brainiac maniac groaned.

 _Lecherous life leeches_ : **Fuzzies**

 _You're on the naughty list!_ : **Coal guys**

"MEE-ORK! C'mon boys," said one of the little dust ball creatures as it wiggled about, "it's free eating!" 

One of the mineral toting Shy Guys behind the Fuzzies grumbled to another of his peers. "Why were we forced to sit in the garbage car? We're masters of Coal-Fu, and we could power up this train so it could get back to base in half the time!"

"Well, if I had to take a guess, it's because our weaponry is pretty archaic," muttered the other Coal Guy. "I mean, fossil fuels haven't been a viable source of power for decades. I think this train runs on electricity too..."

As the Guys bickered ("Then how do they shoot smoke blasts to blind their enemies?" "I dunno, how did Master Larry keep the ozone layer from rapidly deteriorating?") the Fuzzies zoomed past the cowboy zombies to engage Zomboss and Kaos, along with a few cowboy Primids who had broken away from the melee with the Fundead. The two evil overlords knew that they wouldn't have much time to prepare their stronger attacks, so they'd have to string together some of their less potent moves into each other to lay down a quick beating.

Or, in scientific terms, _it was time for some combos._

"You seriously think that you can challenge my battle strategies?" Zomboss yelled out as he grabbed an over eager Fuzzy right off his face. While it bellyached over the lack of life to drain, Zomboss headbutted the pest thrice before tossing it into the air and blasting it with a laser pistol. He then knocked away a pair of Primids with a shockwave generated by stomping with his Z-Tech steam-powered stomp shoes. "I literally wrote the book on how not to fight fair!"

"Away with you, fools! I just had this evil cloak dry cleaned!" Kaos summoned a light blue swirl symbol that tossed some Fuzzies and Primids into the air, and followed up with a jagged brown spike symbol that smashed them back onto the train. The dark portal master finished them off with a pair of Doom Hands that punched them away.

Zomboss then tossed three Imps at another clump of enemies and yanked them closer with a summoned bungee rope, before tossing them over to Kaos. "I must admit, when we destroy the rest of the Neo Subspace army and wipe out our arch enemies, I'm going to miss this."

Kaos summoned his giant floating head form, laughing with such volume that the flung foes were torn asunder. Afterward, he reverted back to normal to toss a barrage of jagged mind magic ninja stars that boomeranged around to hit several approaching Fuzzies and Primids in their backs, knocking them into Melee range. "Indeed! I'm enjoying this hands-on aspect more than expected! There's a certain thrill to be had in the struggle. But if there's one thing the Internet was created for, it's for relieving our boredom even after all our opposition lays beaten and doomed. Oh, that reminds me that the next episode of my evil Kaos podcast OF DOOM releases next week!"

Shield a punch, bone toss, headstone uppercut, vaulting pole jab. "Ah, a fellow villain of culture, I see! I've been thinking of taking my talent online for the masses as well. I've even invented my own instrument, the Boxpipe! Just had it sent to the patent office for the fifth time in a row. I suppose it's taking some time for the latent genius in the design to sink in."

Summon Doomlander, repeatedly blast enemies while they're grappled, rip annoying Fuzzy off face, detonate Doomlander. "And here I thought that your giant mechanical shark would be your best surprise!"

\---------

The upgrades installed in his bike had been well worth the money. Enhanced engine with minor portal technology, and a tracking device for hunting down his prey. It was practically paying for itself.

Oh, and the autopilot deserved mention too, in this particular case.

Leaping for the back of the train, the aquatic attacker grabbed onto the ridge of the roof and hoisted himself up, his shades and bandana serving as adequate protection from the dusty winds. Up ahead, he spied his two targets fighting it out with some basic mooks. A perfect distraction. 

Dennis barked a cruel, rough laugh. It was time to get his man.

\---------

_"Zombies, attack!"_

_"Ready, aim, OBLITERATE!"_

-Shockwave into sandbag drop into Zombot flame breath into Doom hands into a Doomlander-Exploding Imp dogpile. 

"-Ugh, whatever!" The Coal Guy who had instigated the argument shook his head and pointed at Zomboss and Kaos, who had just finished off the last of their backup. "We'll have time for this debate after we crush our unwanted passengers!"

"Won't have any time to prevent the ice caps melting," his companion muttered, "but I guess we can settle this later." The furious fossil fuel flingers hoisted their big rocks above their heads. "Time to fight, you clods! Our environmentally unfriendly shields render us invulnerable to attack!"

Zomboss and Kaos turned to face these new enemies. "So, these Earth element rejects hope to stand in our path with the power of coal?" Kaos asked incredulously. "Looks like we'll need to give them a firsthand DOOMing to teach them how foolhardy they are!"

"Evidently," Zomboss nodded. He then withdrew an excessively large blaster of some sort, with an Imp visible inside running on a treadmill. "What say you we couple said dooming with a lesson in basic chemistry?"

The dark portal masters hands began to glow and crackle with an ominous red as the tip of Zomboss' Ultra-Toasty Imp-Powered Heat Ray began to do the same. "Oh, you have no idea how great that sounds!"

"Hey, Shy-bozos!/Attention, masked interlopers! Prepare to burn to ash!"

The Ray let loose with a blast of powerful heat as Kaos summoned the blazing sigil of the Fire Element to rain down a storm of fireballs. The Coal Guy squad instinctively held up their Coal blocks to guard against the storm, and went entirely untouched from the combined attacks.

"Hah! Big coal reigns supreme!" The leader of the guys chortled. He then sniffed idly at the air, slightly confused. "Hey, do you guys smell something burning?"

The Guy next to him looked up, and spoke up. "Yeah. It's our coal. The coal that we're still holding."

"Oh, okay." Lead Coal Guy responded. He then did a sudden double take. "Wait, WHAT?!?!"

Sure enough, the coal had been set ablaze, as coal tends to do. "AAAAAAH GETITOFF GETITOFF GETITOFF!" The Guys screamed as they flailed about. They quickly hurled their coal off the train, but this left them completely defenseless, allowing Kaos and Zomboss to dispatch them in short order with a quick shove and several weaker slaps respectively.

"Hmph. On one hand, I've nearly overloaded the Zombie summon setting on my blaster." Zomboss muttered as he inspected his weapon. He then holstered it with a smirk. "But on the other hand, I do so enjoy a destructive finale, don't you?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Indeed, indeed!" Kaos laughed, before clutching his temple in discomfort. "Urgh.... Still, I think I'll be taking a break from mind magic for a bit. That, or order Glumshanks to fetch me some magical aspirin when we return to our airship. In the meantime, let us continue onwards and claim our rightful prize!"

"Sure thing. _Just let me claim mine first._ "

Before Zomboss and Kaos could whirl around to get a good look at the source of the unfamiliar voice, the back of their heads each felt an aching blunt impact, and the duo both tumbled face first into the garbage car that their initial adversaries had emerged from.

Kaos' head was pounding as he and Zomboss pulled themselves to their feet, but he was still able growl indignantly at the cheap shot. "Who was that?! How dare you lay your grubby meat hooks on Kaos!"

Their assailant dropped down from above into the garbage, kicking up some dust from the heavy impact. He was a tall anthropomorphic fish wearing a leather jacket and pants, a plain white undershirt, and tall black boots. His face was totally obscured by sunglasses, a bandana over his mouth, and the shade cast by his cowboy hat. Most worrying was the combat knife hanging from a string around his neck and the lettering on his boots, reading "your head here."

"Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you."

 _Vicious, cold blooded predator_ : **Dennis**

"Dennis? That doesn't seem quite right." Zomboss said, scratching his cranium in mock confusion. "I could have sworn that your name was- AMBUSHED!" At this, the remaining cowboy zombies followed the bounty hunter downwards, landing clumsily before popping right back up to surround him. "Now then, Dennis," Zomboss continued, grinning in spite of his previous circumstances, "I'm afraid that you're the one surrounded at this point, but we're merciful evil overlords! So if you'd be so kind as to lay down your arms and surrender and surrender to my army-"

The zombie boss's monologue was suddenly interrupted by a pink laser shooting out from a tall pile of rubbish, piercing through 5 zombies and knocking their heads clean off in an instant. 3 more zombies were dragged into the garbage by 4 spindly mechanical hands, and Dennis grabbed the remaining two, slammed their heads together, and threw them to the ground, finishing them off with a stomp from his now remarkably-spiky boots.

Zomboss instantly deflated. "Oh."

"Any other _brilliant_ plans like that?" Kaos hissed over to his partner.

"I wasn't anticipating a counter ambush! Usually it's me giving the ambushes!"

Dennis snorted, withdrawing a small remote adorned with a single antenna and a large red button. "I'm sorry, army? For a second, I thought that you nerds had just left some collectors-edition life-sized models around and forgot to clean up. But while we're on the subject of collections, why don't I show you mine?"

The bounty hunter pressed the button, and his escorts walked free from the various detritus. All of the ambushers were robotic in nature, but they were split into two groups. Following behind Dennis were two gangly and thin models, with exaggerated googly eyes and long, outstretched jaws full of sharper point teeth. Flanking from the sides were 3 models that looked almost human, if not for the visible joints, sleek black and white coloring, and the grinning skull head with circuit board lines running across. In addition, while the thinner models stumbled and lumbered about with an unnatural gait in their step, the more robust bots smoothly bounced in place like backup dancers even as their skulls wildly twitched about. 

"He-He-Hey there, ki-I-I-dzzz! Who's ready for a fun- fu- **Fun-er-al** time with F-Freddy and the gang! Hehehe...!"

" **Baby, I'm electrifying!** (Electrifying!)"

 _Quick, back into character!_ : **Bare Endo**

 _Fallen stars of NSR_ : **1010 (skeletal forme)**

"Listen," Zomboss said, raising his hands defensively, "Once I and my associate here conquer this world and become emperors for life, we can make you a very rich man!" Gesturing towards the front of the train, he continued, "There's unimaginable wealth in the Toppat coffers, and we'd be willing to part with a sum of it once this heist-"

"You got guts, promising something you don't got," Dennis cut in. "And you've clearly never heard the number one rule of bounty hunting: _nothing comes between a hunter and the acquisition._ " The brutal biker cracked his knuckles as the spikes jutted out of his boots again. "Besides, Reginald Copperbottom was quite clear with his instructions, and I'd prefer being able to find steady work than making an enemy of a powerful employer. But enough with the gab. Let's get this over with."

Dennis snapped his fingers, and 1010 spun backwards against the wall of the cart as they held out their hands, firing a barrage of red and pink beams of heat energy. " _Load and shoot!~_ "

"Gah!" Kaos and Zomboss hit the deck as the lasers singed the tops of their heads. "Alright, threat assessment." Zomboss hastily muttered. "We're outnumbered, outgunned, and outmuscled. We don't have many resources to take advantage of the fact that they're outbrained, and the reanimate setting on my ray gun is one shot away from over heating, so I'll need to make it count. What about you?"

Kaos groaned, clutching his forehead. "My evil brain hurts like a Goliath Drow is stomping around in it! I _could_ use some more mind magic, but I'd rather I didn't." The dark portal master then noticed something disconcerting, in spite of being pinned under heavy fire. "Hold on, where did those gangly Faz-Fools go?"

And that was when the two bare Endoskeletons phased back into view right next to Kaos and Zomboss, letting loose an incredibly sudden and loud screech that knocked them both down further and left them stunned. " **SCREEEEEAGH!** "

While their ears were still ringing, Dennis grabbed a spare piece of rebar from a pile of junk next to him and wound up like Tiger Woods, laughing madly as he batted a defunct washing machine towards the two evil geniuses. The projectile burst into a damaging shockwave, hurling Kaos and Zomboss into the wall of the car. " _I love this job!_ "

Kaos felt like he had an entire orchestra playing in his skull, barely managing to push himself up off the ground. "...and the constant screaming and blunt impacts aren't helping...!" Turning to Zomboss, he still managed to find enough of his pride to growl, "What are you waiting around for?! _Do something!_ "

Zomboss sputtered in protest. "I only have one shot left on this blasted Ray gun before it overheats! And I won't be able to fix it while under this kind of heavy fire-"

" _JUST DO IT!_ " Kaos screamed imperiously.

The brainiac maniac grumbled a bit, before obliging and summoning an all-star zombie. The footballer quickly summoned a tackle dummy shield before sprinting into the fray to tackle Dennis, who was caught off guard by the sudden move, but quickly regained his ground as 1010 continued firing. The Endoskeletons had reentered their cloaked mode, but Zomboss and Kaos could see their handprints on the energy shield projected from the dummy as they tried to breach it. Zomboss turned to his partner, exasperated as his Ray gun was now red and lightly sparking. "There, are you happy?!" He spat.

"Hardly!" Kaos flung his hands into the air in frustration. "This shield will only hold for so long, and then _we'll_ be the doomed ones! You couldn't have summoned something stronger?"

Zomboss clenched his teeth, grinding them together. "No, I couldn't! But clearly _someone_ hasn't read up on Newton's laws!"

"KAOS follows no such foolish laws! And at least only some of my minions smell like rotted fish!"

The two partners respective stress and frustration had reached their boiling points, and they were now locked in a bitter battle of insults and barbs, sneering and circling each other like beasts at bay even as red and pink lasers hammered their shield. All the while, Dennis glanced over to them with a satisfied glint in his eye even as he fended off the all-star zombie. "(Hide all you want, rubes. Dennis always gets his man.)"

"Oh, you take that back, You repugnant, shambling homunculi!"

"Oh, do you really want to do this here, you foolishly foolish fool of a fool?!"

"So what if I do?"

"Fine then!"

"So be it!"

"Idiot!"

"Buffoon!"

"Performer for children!"

"Overly verbose nerd!"

"Why you-" Zomboss began, but his attention was soon diverted as he turned his head to the sound of the barrier cracking. Ordinarily, this would have been a cause for panic, but the thantological Doctor had noticed something in between the cracks in the hard light barrier.

Kaos, however, merely scoffed at him, prepared to win this battle of (dim) wits at all costs. "And just what _genius observation_ have you made now, Zom-fool? Because I-"

"Would you just look for one second?! This is more important right now!" Zomboss quickly grabbed Kaos by the shoulders and turned him to face their adversaries. The dark portal master's retort died in his throat as he caught on to the two very important details that Zomboss had seen.

Interestingly, while 1010's red blasts merely dissipated on contact with the dummy shield, their stronger pink blasts outright ricocheted off in unpredictable directions. In addition, the shimmering outline of the Endoskeletons were flinching away from the impact points of the concentrated heat beams. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Zomboss asked Kaos, the evil gears in his brain churning.

Both of the evil geniuses stressed and furious frowns were suddenly replaced by grins that stretched for miles, their animosity forgotten for now. "My dear partner in crime," Kaos said gleefully, "it looks like we've found our advantage!"

"And now, let's exploit said advantage for everything it's worth!" Zomboss laughed back.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Outside of the protective shield, Dennis tilted his head with an eyebrow cocked, having just finished off the football zombie and now watching his acquisitions giggle like village idiots. "...Must be going through the denial stage." Turning to his robotic death brigade, he commanded, "1010, when their shield drops, fire a concentrated and coordinated assault. Endoskeletons, hold 'em in place so they can't run." The bounty hunter then prepared to bat another volley of junk. "One..."

The mechanical boy band/foot soldiers leveled their arms again, hands charging with pink energy.

"Two..."

The Endos prepared to drop their cloaks and lunge towards their prey.

"Three...."

Kaos and Zomboss stared down their enemies, determined glares boring through the shield as they both prepared.

The broken kitchen sink impacted against the dummy shield, shattering it into thin air.

" **FIRE!** "

" **NOW!** "

Kaos fought through his raging headache and summoned a spinning sentinel staff with the last of his mental fortitude, while Zomboss quickly withdrew a pocket sized head of the Zombot Dark Dragon, spewing flames all about. The pink energy blasts were suddenly deflected right back towards 1010 as they impacted against the mind magic weapon, blowing their heads clean off of their shoulders. Meanwhile, the writhing forms of the Endoskeletons were visible amongst the flames as they made one final attempt to crawl forwards, before collapsing to the ground in a jumble of disconnected melted metal bits. 

Dennis was dumbstruck at how quickly his miniature militia had been defeated, and to say he was displeased with the sudden turning of tables was an understatement. "What?! How in the name of Davy Joneses locker did you break through them so easily? Those models were top of the line; the best I could steal!" 

"Quite simple, actually," Zomboss smirked. "We simply deduced that those pink lasers were easily deflected by seeing how they impacted against the dummy shield, as well as how those skinnier models reacted to heat. Combine that with the fact that my compatriots large mind magic weapons were well suited to sending your attack back, and my easy access to flame, and it essentially boiled down to the scientific method. A Hypothesis, an experiment..."

"And the conclusion!" Kaos finished, triumphant and smug in spite of his migraine. "The conclusion of YOUR DOOM! (Urgh, neener-neener...)"

The bounty hunter growled, grabbing his combat knife from around his neck. "Whatever. It's not like it matters anyway, seeing as how I'm just going to stomp you out myself." Dennis hunched into a fighting stance, and made the universal gesture for "come at me." Meanwhile, Zomboss and Kaos, back to working in functional tandem for now, nodded at each other.

" _Let's settle this!_ " 

"Indeed. _Let's. _"__

__Dennis took the first move by flinging a barrage of combat knives, but the dastardly duo leaped to the side to dodge them, being used to fast projectiles at this point. Zomboss counterattacked by flinging a wrench into the fish's head that left him reeling in pain while Kaos prepared an elemental assault. "I don't know how you've overcome us before, fish fool, but now I'll indulge in my _burning_ desire to make an _ash_ out of you! I summon.... **The unbelievably scorching and painful evil fire spell of scorching pain!** "_ _

__Dennis merely snarled in response. "Alright, just for that joke, I'm ripping your arms off and shoving them-!"_ _

__Before Dennis could finish his threat, the sigil of the fire element erupted underneath him, engulfing him in flames and beginning to roast him to a medium rare. However, Kaos was surprised when Dennis simply ran through the fire and the flames with his hands over his face, his burns doing little to slow him down. Back handing Zomboss in the face, he closed to distance between himself and the dark portal master and kicked him square in the chin, grabbing him when he bounced off the wall and hoisting him up. "That's it!" He yelled, grimace visible even through his charred bandana as he raised his knife, " **I'm through messing around!** See you later, FOOL-"_ _

__The cold blooded predator was interrupted yet again, this time by a dull, persisting ache on the back of his head. Turning around to look yielded no better results._ _

__Mostly because you'd need eyes on the back of your head to properly spot a nibbling Imp there. Thankfully, Zomboss tossed another one onto Dennis's face when he looked his way again to clue him in._ _

__Dennis's rage was quickly replaced by panic as the tiny zombie yanked his sunglasses down to better get at his face. "Get it off me! **My eyes!** " he yelled, scrabbling to pull it off. Unable to see with the surprisingly strong annoyance grasping to him, he was forced to release his grip on Kaos as he stumbled about, even ramming headfirst into the walls in order to shake it loose. _ _

__"Ha!" Zomboss crowed, poking his head out from the rubble he'd been knocked into. "Not so dangerous now, are you?" Unfortunately for the brainiac maniac, Dennis had stumbled his way and caught him off guard with an inadvertent knee right between the eyes, knocking him for a loop and making him clutch his nostrils in pain. "Gah! Okay. Still dangerous. Still _Very_ dangerous. Ow ow ow...."_ _

__Kaos quickly cast a doomshark over to the blinded bounty hunter to knock him to the other side of the car and give them some breathing room. Helping Zomboss to his feet, he said, "I think it's long past time for use to stop playing around and destroy him already! What say you, my partner in crime?"_ _

__The zombie boss shook himself through the pain, and nodded to his friend. "Likewise. **Initiate Operation: Doom Loogie!** "_ _

__Grabbing his miniature zombot head, Zomboss overclocked its systems, causing it to shudder and shake until it finally spit a massive ball of roadcones, buckets, football helmets, and other classic zombie fashion pieces into the air. As the ball came back down, Kaos yet again engaged "giant floating head mode," and quickly chomped the entire mass. As the giant, overly detailed face scrunched up in disgust at the taste, it quickly reeled up and spat the junk ball right towards the fishy foe, now coated in DOOM energy. Dennis ripped the imp off of his face just in time to see the projectile bearing down on him from above, seemingly large enough to blot out the sun._ _

__"Huh? Wait, that's..... _AAAAAH-_ "_ _

__**KA-DOOM!** _ _

__\--------_ _

__Dennis woke up to the sound of his motorbikes engine rumbling. Leaning up off the ground to get his bearings, he peered into the distance after the Toppat train, which was miles away at this point. Thankfully, the autopilot on his motorbike had worked like a charm, so he wasn't totally stranded, but he had no idea how much gas he had left, and his body hurt as much as it had when he got stomped by that cyclops. Ignoring the protests from his aching bones, he pulled himself onto his bike and grabbed his communicator, miraculously still intact, and redialed Macbeth. "Macbeth, this is Dennis. The two invaders are still on board, and they're coming your way."_ _

__Bitter silence from the other line (Dennis assumed that Macbeth was taking some time to emit a very long and irritated sigh) rang in the air for five seconds before a response came. "Thanks for the heads up, but you can consider this the end of your business with the Toppat clan. We don't got need for a bounty hunter who can't get no bounty." Dennis picked up a mutter that sounded a bit like "gotta do everything around here," before the call ended._ _

__The furious, fuming fish was now down twelve knives, five backup drones, however much he'd be paying to get patched up, and a significant amount of respect from any future potential buyers. Dennis rode off in the opposite direction of the train, deciding to cut his losses for the moment. He wasn't prepared now, but when he got some resources back together, one thing was certain: he'd be paying those two back with interest for how much they'd cost him._ _

__\------------_ _

__As Zomboss and Kaos stood there, comprehending that fact that they'd defeated the relentless bounty hunter relatively unscathed, the only sound was that of the chugging train and the wheels of the Zombot War Wagon besides it. However, a new sound soon split the silence: Wild whooping and cheering from the two evil geniuses. "YES!"_ _

__Kaos turned to the brainiac maniac, cackling. "That was truly awesome! Oh, the way those infernal metal noisemakers melted at your hand-"_ _

__"And the explosions of those other robots as you sent their own attack right back!" Zomboss was similarly giddy, hands clenched as he recalled the battle. "I love dramatic irony when it's not used against me!"_ _

__After 5 more minutes of bragging and posturing between the duo, the dark portal master sobered slightly, clearing his throat._ _

__"....Ahem. At any rate, I _guess_ I was rather blunt in my complaints about our standoff with Dennis. I'm used to having brainless minions, not partners who can think as greatly as I. So I, KAOS, am sssss...- ack! I'm... Sorry for instigating such infighting during that pivotal battle."_ _

__Zomboss blinked in surprise, but managed to respond. "Oh. Erm. I _suppose_ I should issue an apology as well. I'm similarly used to browbeating those I work with, but clearly my usual methods regarding negative reinforcement and motivational hornets don't work quite as well in situation involving fellow evil geniuses."_ _

__Though neither of the two were used to apologies, the air had considerably lightened between the two. "Very well," Kaos said, evil grin reappearing, "I graciously accept!"_ _

__"Likewise." Zomboss had finished rebooting the reanimate function on his ray gun, and holstered it in his lab coat, back to his usual chipper-and-tyrannical mood. "Now then, let us finish our heist and be off! This accursed sunlight is beginning to make my allergies act up..."_ _

__"Indeed! My evil aspirin is long overdue as well, and my glorious robes are in sore need of a wash after that foolish fish fool laid his grubby meat hooks on my royal person."_ _

__\------------_ _

__

__It wasn't long before the two breached the Toppat armory and artifact car, and they both had to restrain themselves from entering full-on evil nerd out mode as they ogled the wide variety of powerful weapons. "Awesome..." Kaos murmured, pressing his hands against a glass case containing what appeared to be a hybrid of a magic wand and a pistol. "Such destructive potential, and all these Toppat fools did with it was hide it all away behind this stupid collectors glass?"_ _

__"I'm just as surprised as you are!" Zomboss concurred, gazing at a golden lute radiating necromantic energies. "Such hedonism, denying so many weapons their true purposes... They're honestly lucky that a pair of evil geniuses like us came along to put them to proper use!"_ _

__Kaos agreed, but before they could move on to the Toppat money cart, the front door opened, and a new voice rang out. "So you're the ones causing all the trouble on my train. Was expecting someone a little more intimidating if you managed to slip past Dennis, but I suppose that shows what I know." The newcomer was another stickman standing tall with a blue top hat on his head, carrying a strange sort of gun at his side._ _

__Zomboss sputtered at the new gear thrown into the plan. "Oh come on, another one? Seriously?!?" He groaned. "Listen, we're very busy megalomaniacs and 99 percent of your coworkers have been zombified already, so why don't we skip this nonsense?"_ _

__"Wasn't nonsense when you decided to trifle with the Toppat clan," Macbeth cooly responded, "and the business of your attacks dogs munching on my friends in the clan ain't exactly changing my opinion. On the bright side," he continued, hoisting his hand cannon into firing position, "I get to break out ol' Bessie here. So it's not all bad, I suppose."_ _

__As suddenly as he had entered, the world around Mr.Macbeth flickered into darkness, taking Kaos and Zomboss with him. His adversaries quickly looked around in confusion as two purple cartoon hearts appeared in front of them. "What sorcery is this?" Kaos asked imperiously, glaring at the conductor._ _

__Macbeth chuckled. "Just a little trick I picked up from fighting in the great Human-Monster war of 1XXX. Don't worry, I'm a sporting criminal, so you two get the first turn. But once mine comes round, well..... Let's just say you'll learn why no one can win against a Gatling gun."_ _

__The dark portal master was unaffected by these taunts, and saw fit to respond in kind. "Now listen here, fool," Kaos said snobbily, leering at the conducter, "We've utterly doomed every guard you stationed on this train, including that fishy fool of a bounty hunter. In short, we have you dead to rights, and this train is ours. Do you agree? I certainly would!"_ _

__**Kaos taunts Mr.Macbeth by rubbing the failures of the clan in his face. He growls under his breath. Mr.Macbeth's ATK rose! Mr.Macbeth's DEF fell!** _ _

__Mr.Macbeth snarled as he readied his experimental rifle. "Not taking me seriously, eh? Well it's a darn shame that you won't live to regret that mistake. Soon as my turn comes round, I'll blow you away!"_ _

__Zomboss merely yawned at this threat. "Ah, more projectiles. How quaint." He then set his ray gun to "reanimate," pointed it at the ground, and summoned a Jester zombie, who chuckled daftly and twirled on his heels, making the bells on his hat jingle._ _

__**Zomboss summoned a jester zombie. Projectiles will be reflected as long as it's alive!** _ _

__If Macbeth was worried by this, he didn't show it as he revved his weapon. "Time to teach you not to tangle with the Toppat clan! Say your prayers!"_ _

__The fancy gun fired a huge barrage of bullets, but the Jester zombie eyed them with the wonder of a child gazing at a new toy on Christmas morning, and spun faster and faster until he resembled a tempestuous twister. Every projectile was drawn into the epicenter of the Jesternado, leaving the brainiac maniac and the scourge of the Skylands utterly unscathed._ _

__Macbeth was completely flabbergasted, and that was putting it mildly. "Wait, wha-"_ _

__The temperamental Toppat was unable to finish his sentence, as the jester soon returned every bullet that had been sucked into his spin directly to their sender in an unrelenting barrage. Macbeth was significantly worse at rolling with the proverbial punches, and was swiftly knocked out cold._ _

__**Kaos and Zomboss won! They gained 714 G. The Jester Zombie gained 54 EXP.** _ _

__Kaos laughed yet again as the void disappeared, leaving them and the unconscious Toppat back in the Armory car. "Hah! What kind of fool falls for his own attacks? What a miserable incompetent." Turning to Zomboss, he asked, "Now, how should we deal with this Twit-hat in fittingly cinematic fashion?"_ _

__The brainiac maniac thought for a bit, before inspiration struck him. "Well, considering that we don't really need the Subspace bomb, there is _one thing_ we can do..."_ _

__-–---------_ _

__"Whuzzat?" Mr.Macbeth dully groaned as he sat up in his seat. How'd he end up at the front of the train? The last thing he knew, that jester freak had chucked all his bullets back at him, and-_ _

__Macbeth sat up in realization... Or rather, tried to, before realizing that he was bound to his chair. Looking around in a frightened frenzy, he noticed something else was wrong: the tunnel up ahead had been blocked by a deluge of debris from the mountain it was built through, setting the train up for a catastrophic crash. As the conductor struggled even harder against his bonds, he noticed an eloquently-written note attached to one of the buttons on the dashboard. With nothing left to lose, Macbeth swallowed his pride and read his death warrant while attempting to stretch his leg towards the radio._ _

__"Conductor,_ _

__You have failed to submit to our rightful claim, and rather than surrender control of the train and its contents forthwith, you attempted to engage in combat against us, a choice that was fruitless, futile' and all around foolish. Since we now see that you are without a doubt beyond any and all reason, we've claimed what we came for by force and have rigged the Subspace Bomb contained in the previous car to detonate. We sincerely hope that this will make you reconsider forcing us to take such extreme measures in the future._ _

__Our regards,_ _

__Doctor Edgar George Zomboss_ _

__Kaos"_ _

__\-----------_ _

__Location: Dogo Bogo jungle, Toppat launch site_ _

__Hundreds of miles away, several more Toppats were hard at work preparing for the launch of their new orbital satellite base, oblivious to the action happening in the Dry Dry desert. Up in the control tower, two Stickmen that radiated an aura of respect and authority reclined in those fancy spinning chairs that everyone wants. The one with the brown mustache and gray hat was typing something into the computer, while the second one, a man-machine hybrid with red facial hair and an LED light on his metallic side was fiddling with a screwdriver for some self maintenance._ _

___Two-hatted Kingpin_ : **Reginald Copperbottom**_ _

___Right Hand Reborn_ : **Robo Right Hand Man**_ _

__"Preparations are nearly complete," Reginald said to his steadfast second in command. "We simply need to install Project: Supreme Dominance in the nose cone like planned and wait for the train to arrive with all of our assets. Once we get that sorted out, we should be able to take off without issue!"_ _

__RHM merely grunted in response, more focused on a circuit panel in his left leg._ _

__Reginald blinked. The cyborg was acting unusually grumpy, even by his notorious standards. "Is something the matter?"_ _

__"Don't wanna talk about it." RHM grumbled. His thoughts drifted back to an ill-fated scrap between him and that freaky 2-dimensional red guy. _"(Gonna shred 'im the next time we cross paths...)"_ Shaking himself out of his funk, he asked, "What's going on with the train, anyway? They oughta be here by now, and they've missed their usual status reports."_ _

__"...That is odd," Reginald nodded, "But I'm sure we've nothing to worry about. After all, who would think to look in the middle of nowhere for a train full of valuables?" Suddenly, the radio started crackling, and the Toppat leader turned to his second, a relaxed grin on his face as he picked up the call. "See, that's them right now."_ _

__However, Reginald's grin practically slid off of his face as the panicked voice of Mr.Macbeth sounded over the line. "Boss!" He yelped. "Two guys just jumped the train and stole everything on board!" Reginald's face instantly froze in a widened expression of fear, while RHM looked caught between growling a curse under his breath and giving his boss an "I told you so" look. "I tried to stop 'em, but they knocked me out, and not a single member of Toppat personnel is left onboard. They even beat that bounty hunter you hired!"_ _

__"W-WHAT?!?" The Toppat leader gasped. "That can't be! We spent so much money on his services!" Turning to his best henchman, he sputtered in just as much of a panic as his subordinate. "Right Hand Man, do something!"_ _

__The cyborg's legs swiftly morphed into a large rocket thruster, but the dented booster only sputtered with a meager flame before sparking and shuddering. RHM sighed, wincing in slight pain as his legs reformed. "Can't. My boosters are still damaged from that fight with that paper plumber, and my hydraulics are the same way. No way I could make it in time."_ _

__A hint of despair crept into the conductors voice as he spoke rapidly, sentences flying out and stumbling over each other. "But boss, the train- you don't- I can't- _I CAN'T STOP IIIIIIIIT!"__ _

___Before either of the high-ranked Toppats could ask what he meant, the sound of Macbeth's wail was drowned out by a terrible impact, followed by another sound altogether just before the line went dead._ _ _

____Shing_ _ _ _

___**FWOOOOOSH** _ _ _

___\--------------_ _ _

___Zomboss and Kaos reclined against the Zombot War Wagon, contentedly drinking in the sight of the Toppat train (or rather, the train itself and the dedicated Subspace bomb cart, the only one that they hadn't detached) slammed into the ruined tunnel and burst into a tremendous Subspace Void from a distance. Meanwhile, the zombies stumbled out of the passenger cars and started shuffling around the desert, nibbling the cacti, or jumping into the garbage car to play around in the junk._ _ _

___"It's just like I said." Zomboss sighed in satisfaction, as he smiled from underneath an umbrella that had been helpfully provided by a Parasol Zombie. "This hands-on aspect has somehow proven to be the greatest part of our new schemes. Besides having someone who thinks like me, of course."_ _ _

___"As well as the fact that we're guaranteed victory this time around." Kaos was idly tossing a ball of dark magic up and down, and he shaped it to resemble a bearded face wearing a horned helmet before snuffing it out in his fist. "Soon, all shall fear and obey the names of KAOS and ZOMBOSS, and we shall rule as overlords of the universes!"_ _ _

___"Evil fist bump?"_ _ _

___"Oh yeah."_ _ _

___They did indeed share a most gloriously diabolical fist bump._ _ _

___Being bad had never felt so good._ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Be sure to give feedback in the comments and bookmark + kudos if you enjoyed!


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